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a state of abject panic amid reports that Donald J. Trump is threatening to dump thousands of fired Cupboard members and aides on cities that do not support him. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Individuals throughout the country want that Donald Trump would reveal his secret to staying so younger and vibrant, the nation’s personal trainers have confirmed.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Asking for his or her solidarity in his trade war with China, Donald Trump is urging People to boycott Chinese language items and just buy things at Walmart.” LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—A British lady give up her job, on Friday, after being pressured to spend the better a part of a week with Donald J. Trump, the lady has

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