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opened with an unexpectedly loud sound. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The White House introduced on Thursday that Donald Trump had efficiently secured the companies of Rudolph Giuliani, after an exhaustive search for an attorney with fewer purchasers than Michael D. Cohen.WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump deleted 9 tweets early Wednesday morning in a failed try to spell the word subpoena,” a White House supply confirmed. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has ordered a duplicate of the Nobel Peace Prize and is displaying it prominently on his desk within the Oval Workplace, the White House confirmed on Wednesday. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Schools throughout

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